A Storm is Coming

A few days ago, I was looking forward to this coming weekend. SOLV annual retreat followed by 2 nights stay at Days Inn Hotel in Tagaytay, it was supposed to be a very good week. But no, it was not meant to be. I'm heading to the weekend with much to think about (galing ng timing ni Lord, retreat) and I wonder if I'll get to fully enjoy my upcoming vacation with my wife.

It started yesterday (Thursday) with a meeting with some vendors. It was a rather interesting meeting. After it ended, Brian asked if I knew already. Knew what? Our director had resigned.

My jaw dropped.

The current production support director had just tendered his 30-day notice for resignation. The news hit me like a sledgehammer. I didn't think it was possible. I knew for some time that the guy was getting a lot of heat from upper management but I never knew that he would crack. But he did. With his departure came a lot of questions. What happens to Helpdesk? What about the projects? What about improvements? What about... But it was okay, I thought. We've been without an IT director for a long stretch and we survived. It was going to be okay, I said to myself.

But it just did not end there.

Later that afternoon, another news hit me. It hit me even harder than the one I heard earlier in the morning. Our manager was 'planning' to resign.

My jaw could have dropped off it's hinges if it was humanly possible.

Our manager had always been a constant source of strength and direction for me. I've known the guy all my life in PeopleSupport. He was a bit gruff and had a weird sense of humor, but the guy was tough as nails and would not be bullied around even by upper management. The news of him 'planning' to resign was just too much. I suddenly found myself thinking even more. Not about Helpdesk. About myself. What happens to me? Do I stay? Do I start looking for another job? Do I try to fill in the huge void that might be left? Years in this job has taught me to always expect the worst case scenario while hoping for the best.

I did get some excellent words from Brian. Let's see what happens in the next two weeks. If my manager leaves, crisis management time. If he decides to stick it out, it's going to be okay.

I have to admit, I did have my brief illusions of grandeur. My manager's possible departure will leave me as the caretaker of the team. I'm going to be something like a manager OIC. But those moments were brief. In all honesty, I'm not up to the challenge of leading an entire group. I don't have the skills nor the confidence. I don't even have the stomach to think of dealing with hostile and unsupportive upper management. And I think everyone on the team knows it. No one has hinted, even jokingly, that I'll be in charge if our manager leaves.

As Dave D would say, c'est la vie. That is life.